Use to be lonely.

after i having my holiday i tot i will have friend to call me out. but actually not. they will call me out when they needed me . i think i the right choice that i stay alone with myself. no matter how i use to it. i have no friend no true friend. a friend is needed but they are not here. maybe not all the ppl maybe is just me having this kind of problem. but i had learn. i just need to go out myself than no one can use me. i just to keep away from group being individual maybe is a very sad thing but atleast no one can hurt me and use me. maybe all the while i dont need friend just my sub mind say need. actually i dont need. all this while i just realise this think. this is really late. all the while i just wasting my money on having test on human being. all this while is just waste my time and my extra feeling on not related ppl. last time i had all of hope on ppl that i knew but actually i dont knew them. Now beign alone doesnt look sad. being alone is just another way getting of from everything. all kind of thing that in my mind. maybe i thinking too negetive but is true. because sometime i did wat i can to help them they just dont treat me as good friend. is just a hi bye friend. i think i will have my lonely time from now onward. last time there is ppl laughing at me why he dont have friend he still come out chilling alone, correct that is funny why i am chilling alone no matter how i will still have 1 of 2 friend in my life. yah there is. is just me, myself and i. yah i have spilt personality, but at least i know wat i am doing and they know wat i am doing and they dont harm me. For wat being soft hearted? no use. i will just have to be ice cold. being not emotion is going to be my personality. there is no bond between all the ppl. there is onli me. start being emotional now is because i have regret wat i did is just a wast of my time. i think is the time i should out of this country. Being alone travel around the country is wat i dream at first. but because of my friend i choose to stay back. but now if i got the chance i will fly around the world with my cute cute baby. maybe ppl will pity that i have not friend maybe there is ppl laugh at me. sry just wan to tell u all i dont need pity i can live on my own. i not going to say anything to comfort myself because i had choose the right choice for myself.

A blur future

is been a long depress dissapointment week. everything just gone bad. 2 weeks ago i was going to have own resturant and to show the world wat i got. but now a dream become a dust. there is no support from everyone, i get toy by faith. i cant do anything beside being disappointed. And my mom tot i have get over it. wat the hell is happening.When got liquor all the friend come in time, now wan them pay the money not even a friend come. i think have a lot of good friend. i am tired of all this thing. Actually wat kind of friend i got? my gf having fun and she dont know what happen to me. none of my friend know wat happen to me. beside got ppl ask. everytime i when down and get up down and get up this is life i know but i dont know how much i can take it now? even now my chilling time i oso have interfere by my mom. wat i can do? cant do much. even share holder bully me. good very good. maybe i am too good to let ppl bully. wat can i do to change my personality. i rather be a bad ass. at least no ppl bully. i am so tired being a candle burn myself down and light ppl up. this is such a foolish way. why i choose this road to walk.

16-09-2010 very early morning.

today i wake up at 6 morning somemore is without alarm without morning call without any shit, maybe being alone is the onli way to change my life stlye. Now has been 5 days, i back to the old lonely days, yesterday i was so alone i drove from p.j to hartamas than to k.l than k.l to bukit jalil than back to p.j. I finally knew that that was no place for me, i am so close to tears out. And all so call friends yah true is just friend, so no complaint. friends just do wat friend do, they wont do over than friend limit. is been 5 days i dont call out ppl oso ppl oso hardly call me. so i know why my phone bill reach 400+ every month. very good. Becos is onli me who do all the calling but i am still a bit lucky there is someone who still will call me everyday without wanting anything from me. that my baby and my lovely mother. Starting to think maybe i really dont need friends. Maybe everytime i have to cost some money to knew that friend is it worthy for me to care or anything. My mom scold me correctly, everytime always i give when onli the time i take? I just so not use to take. But yesterday is so funny, i got list of friend but i dont know who can i call? lol maybe my phone will ring when they need me. i not going to call anyone anymore untill i feel they are trully a real friend for me to call. why i say like this becos my phone is bar for two days not even 1 call i recieve. lol that is very very funny. i think i really have to re-calculate my friend. hmm nope i think there is none. even they most best friend oso go to US d, the other one busy with his stuff and than the guys who say brother brother still in NZ. than now makes me no friend. hahaha i finally telll ppl that i got no friends. lol. ok la got to go work. have to express all negetive feeling here than i onli can work in a positive way. Thx bloggie.

recipe for my baby

Dear dear Fried Rice

1 bowl of rice
Egg 1 or 2 number
Garlic and onion as my baby like
any meat that my baby like
soya sauce as require
salt and pepper

first beat the egg than pour into the rice, than Chao the meat that baby untill almost cook than take out than put in garlic and onion untill got smell, than put in the egg rice than start chao. than soya sauce than salt and pepper than put in the meat that baby like. than chao untill done than my lovely baby can start eat. :) be4 take out the frid rice remember taste.

recipe for my baby cooking.

beef strip 400g
curry powder as require
salt and pepper as require
oil as require

yip the beef strip with curry powder and than salt and pepper and than put enough oil on the beef to yip for 30 min or more than that.
than pan-fried the beef. untill it cook. this is kon chao curry beef, so just put a bit water if not u will burn the beef and than u will waste 1 beef. lol

cabonara sauce
milk 200ml
cream 200ml
garlic and onion each 1 spoon
add edamer cheese if u dont have parmesan cheese and than keep stir untill all dislove than bring to boil and thicken a bit than is the basic cabonara sauce.

A new song

This few days my emotion are control by music. Today the music that i listen is call airplane sang by B.O.B and hayley william. Actually i dont know who they are, but they sing out my feeling. I really need a wish right now. f there is 1 chance to wish, i wish i am damn fucking rich so i dont need to look at my mom face, i dont need to work under ppl somemore dont know got salary or not. And i can make every of my friend to be happy. especially to make my baby to be happy cos i know she miss me so much untill everynight can dream about me. And i miss her so much too. Untill i just onli can emo at look at spaghetti and imagine to cook for my lovely baby every dish. And the other reason is i can make my mom shut her mouth. Becos everytime when she talk about money i onli understand 1 thing, no matter how much my sister use she is ok with it, i onli use a bit i get fuck like shit. I feel so tired becos work for free somemore let my mom nag. Now the onli thing is i need a wish right now to make myself happy.

An old song 2

Today i am so tired but dont know why i still can move on, maybe is this song rule the world and a dark frappi mocha make my days. But today this song make me feel that if there is someone just break up not long ago maybe is a good thing, becos u can find someone who more suitable for u. how to know it, this question i dont know but when u really got it, they can bright ur life, and they can blind ur sight and open ur heart by their personality. This is how i think about someone suitable for u. Actually in this world without love is dry and die, i agree 100% but u still got ur friend to cheer u up or a nice drink will cheer u up just depend on u how u wanna accept the fact. But sometime love is not about consume is to let go. Maybe u will be heartache but better than making each other to suffer. Somemore if u feel ur love one is happy than be together with u why not let it go, maybe u feel more better. Becos u will think at least u finally did something to make ur love happy. For me if can i prefer i take all the pressure, unhappy alone oso dont wan let my love one to feel unhappy a sec or a minute. Becos as long as my love 1 is happy, i feel my unhappy and pressure are not so big deal anymore.

Cheating not counted as love, so is good to raise the problem up to prevent other ppl get hurt. lol