Omg i dont wan to have the feeling again.

I am a guy that very easy in love wit some one. That is not the problem, the problem is i dont know how to communicate than sad things always happen to me. Everytime i like 1 girl something bad will happpen to me. That call injury, not by fizikal, is mentally injury. today didnt feel sleepy is not becos about tmr got competition or anything else important for me to do. I just that purely cannot sleep.
Maybe is that feeling that make me cannot sleep. Hmmm wat feeling is that i think i am in love again. Why i say like this few day ago i meet a girl, i kinda have a weird feeling to her. She give me a feeling is i can feel my blood is hot, the food is nice, money is nothing. Just saying wat i feel la. Not really money is nothing. haha
St. patrick day serious is a good day for me, but is a bad day for me oso. Cos i shouldn't in love wit some one. Cos at the end the result onli got 1 thats i get hurt. Maybe is part of the growing up thingy but i dont wan to get hurt than grow cos seriously mentally hurt is damn 7 down. I rather like some of my friend be a playboy. I know i cant , and dont agree, but wat i jealuos about is they wont get hurt. haih. Where can i find a love that wont get very very hurt leh. Anyone know?

Wah competition

O shit the few day i totally forget my fencing competition, i am doom. I just hope i wont get the last in my competition. Cos i use to by the third and second in competition now. aiya no trainning, exercise a bit onli. hahaha.
This few day i didnt update my blog cos this few days i dont know wat to write and dont know wat i feel cos i think i a bit slow now. Cos maybe pain make my sense numb. I so not like the numb numb feeling. But maybe is a good thing oso la. Dont need to get involve to the next relationship. Cos not the time yet. Maybe i am just saying. Actually now i dont know wat i wan. That is funny. hahaha. How come i dont know wat i wan. Haih.
Last tuesday i go back college and play basketball, i suddenly felt that i am so energy again. But i dont know why la. Maybe to long didnt touch so a bit hyper. Yesterday , ii saw a fuckign beutiful car. That car is so fucking nice, fucking sport, fucking fast. Matafaka, KNNCCB. that car is so nice. omg omg. If i got that i am damn 7 happy untill faint. I can speed how fast oso no problem. But that car is serious damn 7 nice lo.

Spoil.

Wuhooo. i am going to spoil myself. I am going to be bad. hahaha. Cos i am planing to go clubbing clubbing and clubbing. wahahaha. Single is the best, for wat having the feeling of love. If i have to suffer to death and had it. Than i rather flirt around and die.
Hmm my mom is going to travel in china i am alone at home again. Me and my house. I think i will be alone. How lonely i dont know. But i know that lonely will fill my lonely heart. Cos one thing down one thing up that the recycle. hahaha. I am so free. Untill i can sleep around . wuhooo. No i mean sleep everypart of my house.

Move on

Hmmm i think i should move on when the problem is come. actually every problem is depands on me that wan to move on or not. So i have to choose to move on. Cos i am going to to fuck it. If still caring about the problem that problem will never gone and never solve. The basic way of sloving problem is move on. So i will move on. Mom wan to argue wit me i will deal wit it, life is not happy i deal wit it, health is not good deal wit it, love is not complete deal wit it, always unlucky i will deal wit it. Ppl say accept faith means accept failure i will deal wit it. In my life there is nothing is sucess. Even my course. I try to enjoy the rest of my happy time, if not happy i will deal wit it. So god come on u think i scare u ar. Come fuck wit me u bastard. U burger god come can give me something bad i am not enough. I wan more bad luck maybe give me cancer in my life i will feel damn good. Come on baby. Maybe give me die in car crash feel, so i wont give anyone bad luck. Come on baby. I can't wait to die but believe me i wont suicide i will make u kill me by ur bare hands. Come on god i dont believe u will kill me. Come on.

How much can i take?

This few days, i didnt update my blog is becos i have a lot of problem. All this problem makes me feel like hell. I dont know how much problem i have to face but soon i am going suicide if there is no one can help me to solve. I am so tired. Someone important to me misunderstood me, my mom misunderstood me, health problem and having a seriously arguement. I am so tired why i cant just have a normal life. I hate myself. Cos everytime i help one of my friend i sure get something bad, but i cant just stand there and not help my friend. I am so tired. Wat i should do pls let me know. I dont wan always get misunderstood. God why u give me a kind heart? Why not a cold heart? I rather be cruelto other not to me cos i really cannot face all this problem any more. This few day i was keep argue wit my mom. Becos about my health. I am thinking just a high cholestrol, and high urine acid. Why have to make me like grounded i am so tired about all this. I am going to be 21 years old. I know wat to do. I know wat i am doing . I know wat is right wat is wrong. I know my bad habit, i know my good habit. But wat the fuck make me like a stupid human being.
Is been a few days, i didnt chat wit her i am so wan to know how is she. Maybe i am not worthy for her. But is that any wrong helping friends? I got no idea. Than if outside ppl know am i right or wrong pls just let me know. If helping ppl is wrong than i will go wit the flow. Cos i am tired being kind to my friend. I am so stupid. When i was small i always think that helping ppl and scarcifire my is a happy thing to do. But when i am almost adult i am mso disappointed that wat we learn from then textbook everything is just a lied. Is a 5000 years old lied. I think i should forget about being good to ppl. Cos the real world is being kind to ppl is being cruel to ownselve. So i will stop being kind. Stop being nice. Stop being someone that i am. Stop being someone that make ppl happy. Start being bad. Start being cruel. Start being someone that i am not. Start being someone that make ppl sad. I think that the world outside will be.

Fucking 2009.

Ppl always hope the next year will be better, actually i hope the samething too. But this year seriously fucking hard pass. Everything doesnt come in my way, more sickness than last time, more problem than last year, more misunderstood than last year, more unlucky than last year and more lonely than last year. Dont know what the hell is happening to me. Am i serious that i am rite about this (Xlll). Am i ? I am always hope that i was wrong, but no. Cos i am always rite that i am wrong. This few days happen a lot of shit, that didnt happen be4 maybe it did just that they r not that important to me so i didnt even listen or out it in my heart. Haih last sunday i was so blady emo, cos there is something i cant explain to someone and i should keep it secret, and than become a misunderstood. Wtf. Haih my friend ask me to explain to her and i was thinking wat for explain to her when her heart thinks that i am a liar. I think if i explain will just make her feel disgusting. haha. Maybe this is my negetive thinking or maybe too much drama make me like one kind. haha. Wtf. And than yesterday shit things happen again. Even my family dont believe at me. That make me more hurt. Two important ppl dont believe me, haha the most failure ppl is here wei. hahaha.
Maybe is becos when i was small too bad , so now my mom dont even believe that i had change. Ok let me story about myself abit. When i was 6 or 7 my mom and my dad divorce, than i follow my dad for few year, but after the few years my father send me back too my mom. That time i am the most naughty boy in the blady family. I always lie to my mom, steal money, skip school, didnt do homework, just that havent smoke onli. I even have three primary school, becos i am too naughty that why i got three primary school. But i had change i had change. Seriously i really change, but no ppl believe. Wtf. Why those ppl that important to me dont believe me? Why?Am i so untrusted? Maybe i yes am i dont even know. But no matter how my mom found out that i had change. I didnt lie to her anymore. And i hope the other ppl that important to me found out that i am saying the true. And she will understand wat happen to me.
Haih after five months no competition, now the is a competition coming in 11 days. Hope she can understand me, in this 11 day if not i might as well walk off the competition. Yesterday i just found out something that that hurt me too, beside my mom misunderstood me , the other ppl is my ex coach Mr Mok the money minded man. I train under him three years he didnt even blady mention me in newpaper, now he finally mention and put the blady picture up there but is not me is a 14 years old brat. I like totally hurt. Am i nice untill u all can bully without telling me. Wtf the fuck problem wit u all. i am piss off d. I will never so easy believe u all again. haha just saying cos i always believe ppl even the same reason the same excuse i still believe. i think i am too stupid. So u all can bully me. Hiah come la bully me la. Cos no point avoiding if u all bully other ppl. I take all the bully la. Maybe u all will spare others. Now my onli hope is just some one found out is a misunderstood la. I just wan that ppl to know i am not bad.

Howardichew is back again.

Is been awhile i didnt touch my blog. Some ppl dont even care did i update my blog but some ppl wan me to update my blog. But anyway i still update, cos wat i write is for myself. Some of my friend will say might as well just write a diary in my laptop dont need to post. I agree sometimes my laptop will have to re program again, than i will be sad cos i have lost my diary. That mean i lost my memory, cos when ppl getting older they forget something, wat they will forget we dont know. Untill a day i they will forget everything maybe they will forget who they are or their friends mostly they will remember or forget their best friend. But dont worry i when i am old i will write all my best friend name at my wall. hahaha. At least even tho i forget i out it in my house. What am i saying? hahaha
Actually there is a lot of my friend ask me wats my tatoo means (Xlll). But i always can give them the answer cos is kinda personal, and i dont wan u all think i am negetive. Ok now i tell u wats is the meaning, but i just say it once in here. If u all still passby my blog and take a look than just read a bit la. :) Ok the meaning of my tatoo it mean unlucky, it represent me and bring unclucky for friend that close to me. Believe or not is ur choice. haha. But mostly represent that i am lonely, bring unhappy to ppl and unlucky. Why i say so, hahah try to be close wit me than u know wat i am saying. hahaha.
Today i meet a casher in startbuck, her smile is sweet and she smile untill very happily. And i kinda curious why she smile untill so happy. Inside my heart think that her bf did something for he that is very sweet or just in love wit someone. haha. But when i ask her and she give me a answer that she is totally different wat i think. She say she just get broke up this morning, i was so surprise that she is not even sad. And i can't feel a sadness in her expression. I tot she is not that love her bf. But wrong too, cos she say what to sad about. Cos she say when 1 relationship is finish there is a new relationship coming, maybe is the sameone or a new ppl. Never know, cos future is so unpredictable. And she say, be happy is just a way to forget about the past, maybe there is some sadness inside her but that is a experience that need to go pass. No one can confirm 100% happy no one can confirm 100% sad, so enjoy the life. Than i say wow, and say thank you. than i sit down and start this blog again. Wat she say amaze me, cos there is a girl hardly so positive. Than i start thinking again, i say yea at least there is someone make me feel right. Cos when there is a problem come, is just one of the detour is our life. So we should positive to face the problem. Than the problem will slove it. Or sometimes it needs time to get a answer or to slove a problem. hahaha. i will try to update my blog often. hahaha.